Looming Like a Cloud

Well, come this Friday I shall no longer be a single woman. Technically I haven't been single for going on 9 years but legality states otherwise.

Friday is the big day in a way. Grendal and I are signing the papers the day and June 21st will be celebrated as the day we married. The party/ceremony/shindig is happening the 22nd due to the 21st being a Friday and that would have been harder for people to show up.  There are only a few people that know that the ceremony is more a show than anything else. While some of those people might be hurt I think it's better this way, as strange as it sounds.

I've been paranoid and stressed over the whole thing. I think it just happens that way, though I am prone to paranoia. We haven' gotten back even HALF the rsvps that were sent out. Grendal says his family will be there and I know that I have coworkers joining in on the party. I guess part of me is worried that I'm going to be on the ground, somewhere hidden, sobbing because there's nobody at the wedding save for a handful of people. It's half 'do people not like us' and half 'we spent over 1k on food, what the hell?'   Again, Grendal tells me not to worry and I'm trying not to.

This whole week seems to full of big things and moving forward. Grendal is finally getting his GED. He hates to admit he doesn't have because of what people would think. He is an intelligent man; home schooled and self taught in many things. I can understand the worry.  Once the GED is in the bag he'll be applying for the trains and it looks promising. My brother-in-law works at said company and apparently they are in desperate need of help. We both feel like this could be the first step to saving up and wriggling our way out and on our own.

As for the other big thing, it's in the realm of my spiritual path. I've had this large urge to redo my Book of Shadows/Grimoire/Spell-book/what have you. My choice in life has been pretty much cemented in that of the 'northern path.'  Last night I took the beginnings of my makeshift book and pulled out what was no longer needed and what I no longer really clung to. I feel good about it and I've begun to think of what to add. While it's nothing fancy, just a 3-ring binder and lined paper, it's a start. The more sure of myself and the more spending cash I have, the more pricey my item will be. For now it's simple, like me, and it's more than I could have asked for.

So yes, lack of updates was due to stress, life, and wedding hub-bub. I should have pictures and may find some I feel like I am willing to share. :)

-Djarfskald

I Say This With Nothing but Kindness: I Hate You

I'm sitting here after a shower, hair dripping and still smelling like a bonfire, with another headache and in the midst of doldrums.

Wedding day is less then a month away now. Grendal and I are both nervous, as are those in the wedding party. Everything is just about leveled away and should go on without a hitch. We even bottled our mead on Tuesday after a speedy delivery of bottles:

Such pretty colors. Most of them are basic batches but we have some cherry, 2 blackberry, a pear, and strawberry. Grendal insisted we make a batch for his manager at work who was kind enough to postpone his week off so we could enjoy a simple honeymoon. The one he received was rather sweet, which made me happy. We were both a little upset we had to part with it but knew he'd be happy. I think I'll demand a sweet blackberry batch next time.

The reason for the title isn't due to the wedding or the mead but towards some general things. And I honestly don't hate the people! It's more 'Oh gods, that is so awesome. Bravo! I hate you so much.'

One of the girls from the bakery is off in Chile right now for a week for school stuff. She's double majoring in Spanish and Anthropology. When I heard all of that, I told her I hated her and she laughed. She knew where I was coming from. Such an amazing opportunity and she is taking it all in. She also plans on heading to Spain one of these days to take in that culture and further her studies, which is just freakin' amazing.

Then there is one of our gaming buddies (we'll call him Boxy). He works for a nice company, makes(I assume) a decent amount of money, lives with his parents on their farm, and they all travel throughout North America, possibly even Central and South. Why? I don't know. Boxy is an awkward sort but very talented and very smart. One gaming session he made us sushi, which was wonderful, and then another he made us batched of spaghetti, ravioli, and all the fixings.....from scratch. I've been wanting to make homemade pasta for moons but haven't the means to do so, nor the time at the moment. Everything tasted beautifully and, again, I told him in between gushing about the tasty food that I hated him for doing this. He took in stride and a compliment.


It's honestly times like these that I mentally take a step back and look at what I've done. I came close to being able to travel outside of the US my senior year, either with my french class or theater class. I opted to join the theater group and my parents agreed to pay the fee. We'd be in England for a while and then off to Paris for a day. I talked the teacher into agreeing to let us see Stonehenge and even the Paris Opera house. That was the year 9/11 occurred and, understandably, all trips outside of the US were canceled.

Grendal and I have wanted to go to Japan. I did research, figured out prices, found places to stay, and agreed that we'd check out Tokyo once. We planned to save up for a year and we'd have enough money to spend about a week abroad. That never happened. Life happened. Bills cropped up, we had to help his parents thanks to his sister and her family mooching off of them. And now we enter the world of me actually getting close to hating a person. I don't like it, to be honest. Thinking about it makes me feel horrible but I'm not the only one creeping to that conclusion. Our relationship with his sister and her brood is for another time. I don't need THAT much angst in one post. :P

But yes, money was and has been tight ever since. I don't think his family realized it until the 18th. Everyone was over for a impromptu Mother's Day lunch. Grendal was talking about buying a moped. His siblings and brother in law started talking about how he should get a bicycle with a motor, and then prices were being tossed around. I piped in and told them "That's not going to happen any time soon. All of the money we have is going towards the wedding." It's true. I think it made a bit of an impact because I'm usually quite during get togethers (too many people make me nervous). They were quite after that. None of them knew any of that and I felt a bit better once they did, though nothing has changed.

So yes. Here I am, finally dry from the shower, and looking at my life. While I never really had a plan of where I would be, I just have to shrug. Things could be a lot worse then they are. The two of us are trying our damnedest to work our way out of this hole but it's slow going. We may never be able to travel abroad but we'll be happy and together.

-Djarfskald

You Say 'Hippie' Like it's a Bad Thing

Though I do prefer Granola Child.

There is no doubt that I am NOT the same person I was say, oh, about 12 years ago. Fresh out of high school I was decked out in metal band shirts, fishnets, knee high shitkickers(awesome freakin' boots), hair recovering from being dyed purple, spiked collars, and so on. I had been one of those kids in high school. Hanging out with kids into punk, goths, and the occasional druggie. We were a tight knit group, which was something I wanted during that period of life. When I graduated that all disappeared. That group was gone and these people didn't exist in college(at least not the one I attended). Some of those in my group of friends ditched 'the look' and went on with what ever it was they did. I was one of those people that changed my appearance but I still love my metal bands and fishnets.

One of the big things was my outlook on things in general. About a year after high school my parents, my younger sister, a friend of hers, and I took a 3 week long vacation to Hawai'i to visit family. We were on the Big Island and went to the beaches and visited Mauna Loa. It was our journey to a swap meet that seemed to be the turning point. There is a small town, not too far from the area where my Auntie lives, where the majority of the hippies live. It was near that town where the swap meet was. I was ogling their crafts, their clothes, and everything in between. I went from being a metal fan to a hippie in the making. To this day my mother says that if I ever moved to the islands I would quickly find myself living amongst the hippies.

Fast forward to present day. I no longer look the part of a metal fan. I still own a pair of fishnets, a spiked collar, and some clothes that I could wear if I wanted to look like how I did in high school. Now my wardrobe consists mainly of long skirts, tank tops, some odd shirts, and worn jeans. I've gone the no poo route in hair care, making my own shampoo and conditioner once a week. I'm looking into homesteading, green options for everything, organic foods, making what I need at home, staying away from TV. It's like I went from one extreme to another. I no longer want to live in a city but have found myself looking at plots of land that are within a reasonable distance of a town so that goods can be bought.

Looking up recipes and how-to guides online for certain things, I find an odd trend in things. It appears that you have housewives (sorry if I offend) and women ranging from mid-twenties to early forties with all of this DIY stuff and Eco-friendly items. That isn't the problem. I am happy to see more people doing this and want to encourage more to do so. The problem is, is when they refer to it as 'hippie' stuff. One article, forget where this was found it but I'll keep it to myself, was going on about making an alternative to toothpaste. At the end the author said that you could keep it in a little Tupperware cup in the bathroom or, if you don't want your boyfriend to see your hippie toothpaste, you can try and get it into an old toothpaste tube.  Really?  What? I just scratched my head at this. I suppose I should've known something was off when the title had been Hippie Toothpaste. I mean, looking at the site it appears that anything homemade gets the hippie title slapped on.

I suppose I shouldn't be upset by all of that and it's more irksome than anything else. The word 'hippie' seems to be used in such a way that it's praised but it still isn't a pretty word. :\  I can't seem to explain it. Ah well.  This Granola Child is happy with life and that's all I need.