I don't know what it is about today but Grendal and I had one hel of a time waking up. We slept through nearly all of his alarms. Got out of my stupor when Grendal nudged me and asked if I'd make him coffee for the morning. So, even after dragging my groggy butt out of bed and having a cup of coffee myself, I feel like I'm dragging. I don't know if it's the weather because I know I had gotten a decent amount of sleep. No waking up in the middle of the evening, but I'm still just feeling like a bump on a log right now.
This week is gonna be a busy one at work. I have nearly 40 hours, which is rare for us part time peons. I've been feeling a little bit more like I'm in charge of this around the deli, for some odd reason, and really feeling my age. This past Sunday, while a short shift of four hours was not a happy one for a moment. Why? I had one of the higher ups refer to me as 'the help'. : | What now? First off, I don't get paid nearly enough to be called 'the help' nor am I watching the children or cleaning the house of a wealthy person. My opinion of the man quickly slipped into the negative. I knew he wasn't the greatest guy but it had been all decent business when he'd show up. Nope. Not now. The guy can bite me and the next time he calls me as such I will say that if he wants to call me 'the help' he needs to increase my wage a few bucks. I'll even wear my serious face.
We've gotten some more snow around here, so my previous comments of 'Hey, it looks like spring' seems to have been thrown off. Still seeing those birds, though, and I'm able to walk outside without the cloak nearly as much as I needed during the colder days.
Touching on the notion of feeling my age, it seems like my gaming group and I are becoming 'adults'. Out of the eight of us our age range from 21 to the mid- to late 30s. Next year will be my 30th birthday, which I plan to have a wonderful party. But yes, we're becoming adults. One of the guys has finally gotten a job, in the Chicago area, in the area of massage which means his time with us on Sunday is gonna come to an end(at least for the time being). Another one of the guys is attending college in the Chicago area and his classes this semester has kept him away. The youngest of us has finally gotten a job and it seems like she'll be getting the evening shift on gaming night. Then there's Grendal and I: about to get married and Grendal having his eyes set on getting the job with the railway. We're growing up and I'm honestly a little worried. My Sunday group is made up of the people I consider my friends. Honestly, the only friends I have and the ones that are within reasonable driving distance. Work and life is pulling us apart, which I don't like.
Maybe that's what has me like this? Who knows.
I've been building a good relationship with my tarot deck. They seem to like me and their personality is coming to light(when I'm working with them, my attention is on THEM, nothing else). I need to reconnect with Odin somehow. :\ Perhaps an offering or just some time with him. Winter is usually a good time for me. For the first time I'm finding myself want Spring to come.
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Monday, January 14, 2013
Pardon Me for Being Blue
NOTE: This post is a little more personal than the few others and covers depression. And it's a wee rant. If you don't want to read it, don't. Happier things are on the way, I promise! :)
So, I was diagnosed with depression years back. I'm thinking 12 some odd years. I was in high school, blah blah blah. I took medication that didn't seem to help but I kept trudging through life a little less then chipper. I was never one of the people who sunk into depression so far that I thought about taking my life. Part me believes that I would never let myself EVER think about it. Sure, I've thought about disappearing but I have a strong urge to be here.
Grendal helped me through my depression and did convince me that I didn't need the medication. I weaned myself off early in our relationship and haven't looked back. He's suggested it was more of a situational depression rather than the clinical depression that was diagnosed. In all honesty, it was being around a mother that idolized my older sister and had a strong relationship with my younger. I was the bookworm, gamer, writer....the one more artistically inclined and very much a person that keeps to myself. I wasn't happy at home but no one, not even myself, could see it. That is, until Grendal showed up and helped me out!
I've been fine for YEARS. My father has seasonal depression(winter blues) and my mother has fought depression as well, but I've been good. Until this winter. It's a little strange because winter always seems to breathe new life into me. Grendal has suggested that it's due to the lack of a good snow. I think I can agree. But having SAD for the first time, along with job issues, and our wedding creeping up on us, it's been taking it's toll.
I'm happy to be with Grendal and just be around him in a way to heal myself, but my online gaming friends don't seem to grasp it. We had tried to set up a weekly get together to play Halo 4 with each other. It worked for a while but then holidays hit, Grendal and I had our week off, and then I started getting depressed. Two of the group are seeming to get upset about not having gatherings anymore. I understand. For a few years Grendal and I would get together with two of our friends on a Friday afternoon and hang out for hours. It was great! Then again, I wasn't having these problems and if I had been those two friends would have understood and even try to lighten my spirits. Two of my current gaming friends seem more upset about things not going through. No regard for if I feel up to it or the fact that jobs/classes/life is first in line.
That and one of them suggested that if saving up for the wedding is so hard, then just push it back. Really? Just push it back? No thougths about the people that know the date, or that we've set things up for that date. Perhaps the fact that it has a personal and spiritual significance. Then again he's a person that believe things happen for a reason, and I'm not.
Honestly there isn't much I can do about it. They'll have their own opinions and all I can do is focus on myself and making myself better. And I shall do that.
Screw 'em!
So, I was diagnosed with depression years back. I'm thinking 12 some odd years. I was in high school, blah blah blah. I took medication that didn't seem to help but I kept trudging through life a little less then chipper. I was never one of the people who sunk into depression so far that I thought about taking my life. Part me believes that I would never let myself EVER think about it. Sure, I've thought about disappearing but I have a strong urge to be here.
Grendal helped me through my depression and did convince me that I didn't need the medication. I weaned myself off early in our relationship and haven't looked back. He's suggested it was more of a situational depression rather than the clinical depression that was diagnosed. In all honesty, it was being around a mother that idolized my older sister and had a strong relationship with my younger. I was the bookworm, gamer, writer....the one more artistically inclined and very much a person that keeps to myself. I wasn't happy at home but no one, not even myself, could see it. That is, until Grendal showed up and helped me out!
I've been fine for YEARS. My father has seasonal depression(winter blues) and my mother has fought depression as well, but I've been good. Until this winter. It's a little strange because winter always seems to breathe new life into me. Grendal has suggested that it's due to the lack of a good snow. I think I can agree. But having SAD for the first time, along with job issues, and our wedding creeping up on us, it's been taking it's toll.
I'm happy to be with Grendal and just be around him in a way to heal myself, but my online gaming friends don't seem to grasp it. We had tried to set up a weekly get together to play Halo 4 with each other. It worked for a while but then holidays hit, Grendal and I had our week off, and then I started getting depressed. Two of the group are seeming to get upset about not having gatherings anymore. I understand. For a few years Grendal and I would get together with two of our friends on a Friday afternoon and hang out for hours. It was great! Then again, I wasn't having these problems and if I had been those two friends would have understood and even try to lighten my spirits. Two of my current gaming friends seem more upset about things not going through. No regard for if I feel up to it or the fact that jobs/classes/life is first in line.
That and one of them suggested that if saving up for the wedding is so hard, then just push it back. Really? Just push it back? No thougths about the people that know the date, or that we've set things up for that date. Perhaps the fact that it has a personal and spiritual significance. Then again he's a person that believe things happen for a reason, and I'm not.
Honestly there isn't much I can do about it. They'll have their own opinions and all I can do is focus on myself and making myself better. And I shall do that.
Screw 'em!
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