Looming Like a Cloud

Well, come this Friday I shall no longer be a single woman. Technically I haven't been single for going on 9 years but legality states otherwise.

Friday is the big day in a way. Grendal and I are signing the papers the day and June 21st will be celebrated as the day we married. The party/ceremony/shindig is happening the 22nd due to the 21st being a Friday and that would have been harder for people to show up.  There are only a few people that know that the ceremony is more a show than anything else. While some of those people might be hurt I think it's better this way, as strange as it sounds.

I've been paranoid and stressed over the whole thing. I think it just happens that way, though I am prone to paranoia. We haven' gotten back even HALF the rsvps that were sent out. Grendal says his family will be there and I know that I have coworkers joining in on the party. I guess part of me is worried that I'm going to be on the ground, somewhere hidden, sobbing because there's nobody at the wedding save for a handful of people. It's half 'do people not like us' and half 'we spent over 1k on food, what the hell?'   Again, Grendal tells me not to worry and I'm trying not to.

This whole week seems to full of big things and moving forward. Grendal is finally getting his GED. He hates to admit he doesn't have because of what people would think. He is an intelligent man; home schooled and self taught in many things. I can understand the worry.  Once the GED is in the bag he'll be applying for the trains and it looks promising. My brother-in-law works at said company and apparently they are in desperate need of help. We both feel like this could be the first step to saving up and wriggling our way out and on our own.

As for the other big thing, it's in the realm of my spiritual path. I've had this large urge to redo my Book of Shadows/Grimoire/Spell-book/what have you. My choice in life has been pretty much cemented in that of the 'northern path.'  Last night I took the beginnings of my makeshift book and pulled out what was no longer needed and what I no longer really clung to. I feel good about it and I've begun to think of what to add. While it's nothing fancy, just a 3-ring binder and lined paper, it's a start. The more sure of myself and the more spending cash I have, the more pricey my item will be. For now it's simple, like me, and it's more than I could have asked for.

So yes, lack of updates was due to stress, life, and wedding hub-bub. I should have pictures and may find some I feel like I am willing to share. :)

-Djarfskald

I Say This With Nothing but Kindness: I Hate You

I'm sitting here after a shower, hair dripping and still smelling like a bonfire, with another headache and in the midst of doldrums.

Wedding day is less then a month away now. Grendal and I are both nervous, as are those in the wedding party. Everything is just about leveled away and should go on without a hitch. We even bottled our mead on Tuesday after a speedy delivery of bottles:

Such pretty colors. Most of them are basic batches but we have some cherry, 2 blackberry, a pear, and strawberry. Grendal insisted we make a batch for his manager at work who was kind enough to postpone his week off so we could enjoy a simple honeymoon. The one he received was rather sweet, which made me happy. We were both a little upset we had to part with it but knew he'd be happy. I think I'll demand a sweet blackberry batch next time.

The reason for the title isn't due to the wedding or the mead but towards some general things. And I honestly don't hate the people! It's more 'Oh gods, that is so awesome. Bravo! I hate you so much.'

One of the girls from the bakery is off in Chile right now for a week for school stuff. She's double majoring in Spanish and Anthropology. When I heard all of that, I told her I hated her and she laughed. She knew where I was coming from. Such an amazing opportunity and she is taking it all in. She also plans on heading to Spain one of these days to take in that culture and further her studies, which is just freakin' amazing.

Then there is one of our gaming buddies (we'll call him Boxy). He works for a nice company, makes(I assume) a decent amount of money, lives with his parents on their farm, and they all travel throughout North America, possibly even Central and South. Why? I don't know. Boxy is an awkward sort but very talented and very smart. One gaming session he made us sushi, which was wonderful, and then another he made us batched of spaghetti, ravioli, and all the fixings.....from scratch. I've been wanting to make homemade pasta for moons but haven't the means to do so, nor the time at the moment. Everything tasted beautifully and, again, I told him in between gushing about the tasty food that I hated him for doing this. He took in stride and a compliment.


It's honestly times like these that I mentally take a step back and look at what I've done. I came close to being able to travel outside of the US my senior year, either with my french class or theater class. I opted to join the theater group and my parents agreed to pay the fee. We'd be in England for a while and then off to Paris for a day. I talked the teacher into agreeing to let us see Stonehenge and even the Paris Opera house. That was the year 9/11 occurred and, understandably, all trips outside of the US were canceled.

Grendal and I have wanted to go to Japan. I did research, figured out prices, found places to stay, and agreed that we'd check out Tokyo once. We planned to save up for a year and we'd have enough money to spend about a week abroad. That never happened. Life happened. Bills cropped up, we had to help his parents thanks to his sister and her family mooching off of them. And now we enter the world of me actually getting close to hating a person. I don't like it, to be honest. Thinking about it makes me feel horrible but I'm not the only one creeping to that conclusion. Our relationship with his sister and her brood is for another time. I don't need THAT much angst in one post. :P

But yes, money was and has been tight ever since. I don't think his family realized it until the 18th. Everyone was over for a impromptu Mother's Day lunch. Grendal was talking about buying a moped. His siblings and brother in law started talking about how he should get a bicycle with a motor, and then prices were being tossed around. I piped in and told them "That's not going to happen any time soon. All of the money we have is going towards the wedding." It's true. I think it made a bit of an impact because I'm usually quite during get togethers (too many people make me nervous). They were quite after that. None of them knew any of that and I felt a bit better once they did, though nothing has changed.

So yes. Here I am, finally dry from the shower, and looking at my life. While I never really had a plan of where I would be, I just have to shrug. Things could be a lot worse then they are. The two of us are trying our damnedest to work our way out of this hole but it's slow going. We may never be able to travel abroad but we'll be happy and together.

-Djarfskald

We Interrupt this Program

Grendal and I went to the movies today, which is a big thing! We used to go to the movies rather frequently but lately money has been tight and we've been a little more critical on what we decide to see. High end Scifi, fantasy, and comic book movies, though, seem to throw that right out the window.

We saw Iron Man 3. There has been a big brouhaha about the movie and it's twists and all that. So, I am noting now that if you haven't seen Iron Man 3 don't read on. If you haven't seen it and don't care about spoilers, though, keep going.





We good?  Good.

Now. I've heard people going on about how this movie doesn't seem like and Iron Man movie. Not enough action, too many one liners, blah blah blah.  As a BIG fan of the previous two movies I must say this is right along the same feel. Nothing has been changed. If it has, I haven't noticed and am delusional.  The big complaint about the movie is this guy

Love me some Ben Kingsley

The Mandarin. Stark's greatest foe in his comic books suddenly brought down to being drugged up actor proxy. This character is supposed to be a genius, well trained in technology, ten magical rings, and awesome with martial arts. In the movie, like I said, he is a drug addicted actor who is there to live it up and remain all druggy. The Mandarin is actually this man

A very airbrushed Guy Pearce

What? Aldrich Killian gets barely any screen time in the comics but in the movie-verse he is suddenly The Mandarin.  :|  He has a think tank, so I suppose he could be an intellect, and while one could say he has the martial arts moves at the end, well so does Pepper. I attribute all of that to the drug Killian had flowing through him.

So, I am one of those people in the good ship Mandarin proclaiming that Kingsley's Mandarin is the real one. The Mandarin character would be crafty enough to pull the twist of, 'I am Mandarin but I hired this group to do this for me and I will continue making my threats but you see this guy with the bad dye job? Yeah, he's the figure head' or something along those lines.

Why do I think Killian isn't Mandarin? First we have the first shot of the 'studio' where Mandarin films from. Everyone is getting ready and suddenly we hear that 'Master' is arriving. Now, knowing that this guy is a drugged up actor just looking for his next fix, why would these people be referring to him as 'Master'? If he was in the room I suppose they could be indulging the man but he wasn't there. He couldn't hear them. There was no derision in their voices. They also couldn't look him in the eye. A lot of those people looked like the type not to take shit from anyone, so why would they kowtow to someone who would bend over backwards to get his next fix?

Speaking of his arrival, it got me thinking. Now correct me if I'm wrong but the place where they film is where he lives, just held in a different portion of the building, yes? If that is true then why the hell would the country's most wanted leave the premises IN COSTUME only to come back? Not to mention he had escorts. Why do all this parading? Sure you can say it was for the audience's benefit but if they're trying to keep all of that hush-hush, why let him out in the garb? Give him some plain clothes, a bad hat, and call it a day.

There is also the portion of Mandarin explaining that the gun he had on camera was fake, that the people there didn't trust him with a gun. Okay.....Thinking back to Mandarin killing that corporate fat cat on camera. It was live, yes? Even taking into account the possible 3 second delay there is no way things would have gone off without a hitch. The firing of the gun, while they could have used a sound effect someone may have noticed it being off(that person is out there, you know it) and Mandarin's 'actor' may have flinched. I don't care how awesome of an actor you are, there would have been some facial reaction to the sound of a gun going off. Not to mention we don't know what happened to the man afterwards! Did they just off him and ditch his body some where? It's not like they could have let him go. The crew and everyone else would have had to keep up the whole 'Master' thing as well to make sure said fat cat didn't try anything while the camera was rolling.

I also want to know WHAT they showed on TV when the gun went off. Was it a close up of Mandarin's face, a nice image of his hand squeezing the trigger, or was it the man's death? All we know is the shocked reaction from the random people in the country.

All of that set aside we have the moment when Stark enters the home, offs some guards, and breaks into Mandarin's bedroom. Why would he be hamming it up if no one was around but the ladies in the bed? The area was heavily guarded and Killian seems like the type to have cameras around too, so I can place the argument that he knew that Stark was coming.  I could even say that Mandarin speaks with the British accent rather than the accent he has 'on screen'. He is a genius and it doesn't take one to come up with a story on the fly or even recant one that had been prepared from the get go.

Ben Kingsly is Mandarin in my head. While the marvel movie-verse may state otherwise, I don't believe it. He is too big of a character to be reduced to what he had been. Yes I could be in denial but a white guy with a bad dye job, crappy dragon tattoos on his chest, and drugs pumping through him doesn't really seem like a super villain.

Besides, someone wishing for world domination wouldn't jump in head first against a 'super human' foe, especially after the incident in New York. No! They'd test the water.  This was Mandarin's way of testing Stark to see how much he would have to push. If the people wanted to, they could use this as Mandarin's springboard and it would fit.

Thoughts of Beltane Past

So it's May Day, Beltane, which ever you like. It's always been difficult for me to celebrate holy days, mainly due to the fact that I am a solitary person. Joining a group, while useful, seems to be the last thing on my mind. Whether it's because I'm worried about our ideas/traditions/what have you won't mesh or because with groups comes group politics, who knows. I try to do something for these days but it usually falls through, which upsets me and makes me wonder why I try to do such things. This is my spiritual path and I need to figure out some way to make it work, dammit.

Grendal and I used to hold bonfire gatherings through out the summer for our friends while we were attending a local community college. It was fun all nighters though it was usually he and I cleaning up the next morning. We look back on them fondly, wanting to have them again, and we know friends are wanting the same. Who knows.

I want to say that it was four years ago that we had a bonfire on Beltane. It was FOR Beltane it just happened to be on the day. That didn't matter in my head. I had a gathering of people, a fire, and there would be so much freakin' energy in the air. While I wasn't doing a ritual or spell, I knew it was just going to be a wonderful way to spend the night: with friends. Something amazing did happen though. Grendal, two of our close friends, and I were out prepping everything before people began to show up. Grendal was coming out of the house with something while the three of us were out front by the fire pit. I hear him shout, "Hey, there's a deer out back."  Deer don't wander onto our property thanks to the highway being so close. Seriously, I've been on this property edging on 9 years and I've seen deer here only twice(but turkeys show up like clockwork).

I don't know why I did this but suddenly I go sprinting towards the rear of the property. Keep in mind that this property is at least an acre and a half(don't remember the exacts) and I am in NO WAY a sprinter/runner/fast mover. I like to mosey. My two friends and Grendal were hot on tail while I sprinted through the property, chasing down the deer just to catch a glimpse. I did and so did the others. We just stood there, together, and watched it bound out of sight and just grinned like idiots. Our two friends have no connection to pagan paths and Grendal is an odd sort of agnostic but knows quite a bit. Despite that I think we all felt something special had just happened. The night was beautiful and one of the best bonfires we've held.

Now, I don't want to go on and say that the appearance of a deer was something special/magical but it just seemed to set the mood. It hasn't happened since but I keep my eyes open for these interesting occurances.

-Djarfskald

And the Count Down.....It Begins

So, I've hit the two months left time for the wedding. June 21/22 is coming quicker than I had imagined. I'm a bundle of nerves over many things. Food is already in order, invitations are slowly coming together, addresses are needed, and my dress is still being made. While I know everything will fall into place and this will be a day to remember, for what ever reason, I'm still nervous as hell.

A lot of people think that being married suddenly changes everything somehow. For Grendal and I it's not going to change a thing. Seriously. We've been together for nearly 9 years, living together for nearly that long. We've had our wedding jewelry for nearly a year now, wearing it every day. The only thing that is going to change between us is the legality of it all. That and we will refer to each other as 'husband' and 'wife' ala Futurama(think Hermes and LaBarbara). We are happy with each other, accept our differences, and know that our arguments/disagreements are all perfectly natural and work things out when its needed.

I've been attempting to write some more but something isn't clicking. Makes me sad but I think I have to put my writing aside for a while. My muse and inspiration is just kinda not there anymore.

Also I've been attempting to get closer to Odin. Talking with Him, using my tarots, and what not. My cards are rather good and while I don't read as often as I want to, nor have people to do readings for, it's a little rocky. Things seem to be clearing up when communicating with Him. I don't know if it has any connection but I've been getting restful sleep as well! One big thing that I asked Odin was what should I do to really show my devotion. Should I create something? Perhaps take on a new craft or work on one that I have. The cards pretty much pointed to my wedding with Grendal as a show of devotion. I do know that I am setting aside some food for both the gods and the Wights, so perhaps that has something to do with it. Either way, there is some connection to my wedding! Happy day.

One last thing: the weather here is ridiculous. I had ONE WEEK to walk/bike to work since the changing of the season and ever since then it's been rainy. From the drive way I can still peer through the trees and peep through the trees across the highway to see the river. People had to evacuate houses and some houses are mostly underwater. Never understood why people really want homes along the river. While it is bad that peoples' homes have been flooded, we need(ed) the rain. Last year we were in drought conditions and this is a good start. While we're still dry (kinda hard to wrap my head around that with all this freakin' rain) it's a step in the right direction. Maybe a garden will be doable this year.

-Djarfskald

We'll Talk of Many Things

Or not. Seems like this post really had only two bits to it, but ah well!

It seems my manager and one of my coworkers are constantly on the search for a good diet. Both are over 50 (one just slightly) and are doing it for health reasons. No big deal, honestly, but witnessing this for the past 2 years is strange to me. Through out my life I never really met 'those' kinds of people. Ones who are looking for diets to make everything better. I don't know if it's because I was blind to it, the people around me were fine with their body at the time, or people were silent about their dieting. Grendal's parents and elder sister have been diet hopping for years as well, though they're not vocal about the new thing they're trying. Grendal's other brother has been sticking to a certain lifestyle for years and is a VERY healthy individual. My own mother and elder sister, why it's not dieting, have done exercise regimes to keep themselves fit but it doesn't last long.

I see nothing wrong in trying to change one's eating habits to better the body. Grendal's immediate family have all taken to the PaleoDiet movement(after giving up on vegetarianism, vegan-ism, and so forth). Grendal's brother is healthy to begin with so there wasn't an obvious change in him but he enjoys it, so good for him. His sister has dropped pants sizes and is ecstatic, though it is only obvious when looking at her before and after shots. If she had the drive to exercise then I think she'd slim down to her goal and possibly drop the belly that she laments. Grendal's father has slimmed some too but with a hectic style of life I think he's at a stand still but he is a rather healthy man. As for Grendal's mother....well, as Grendal puts it, she turns to food when she is stressed, upset, depressed, wanting to celebrate, etc. It worries him. His mother wants to get healthy but can't seem to stay away from sweets, sodas, and other unhealthy objects. As the one who buys the bulk of groceries in the house I don't buy those things because they're rather expensive, not particularly healthy, and I know that I'll start snacking on 'em too. Any sweets or sodas that show up are thanks to his mother buying them. It's obvious she gets upset when others in the family talk about dropping pounds but one can't really approach her about the extras she eats, because she sees them as treats.

Grendal and I have been on a nice little roller-coaster ourselves. We've gained wait and we're starting to drop it. I had always been told that when you're on birthcontrol that you gain weight. I was one of those people that didn't until I had to stop taking it. I never really weighed myself but I know the highest I was when I did weigh myself was 170-something. Remembering that I was about 125-130 in high school, it's kind of shocking. After a point we began to cut certain things out of our daily consumption. I don't know why we started to. It's not like we sat down and agreed that we needed to do this, we just did. Out went the soda, the chips, the abundance of cookies, and all of that. Besides being the one to buy groceries, I was also the one to cook dinners at night. I started cooking healthier things and having smaller portions. Being the one who cooked I was also eating more vegetables, especially after buying them fresh rather than frozen. I began to walk or ride my bike to work and have thought about joining a local gym to work on other bits. While I know I'll never get back down to high school weight(which BMI says I must be but the BMI is crap), which is all due to the fact that my legs are rather muscly, I have a goal of 145-150. I'm not too far. Once I do actually work out it'll be easy. Same with Grendal. He has LOTS of muscle and is built like a wall. When he finally joins me in working out, he'll tone up and be a happy man.

WEDDING STUFF! Gah. It's getting close, which is making me nervous. There are still things that need to get hashed out and I'm a nervous wreck. One thing that I managed to get out of the way was a song list. One that is random as hell but it's something I know I'll enjoy. Music spanning genres, nations, eras, and languages. Grendal even agreed that the song I want to walk to was great.

Oddly enough, the first time I listened to the song years ago I decided that this would be it. If Grendal and I were ever to marry, this was the song. It suits us and I love Voltaire's stuff. If for some reason Grendal and I had broken up, this song would have been pushed aside and probably never listened to again. I'm happy that we get to play it.

You Say 'Hippie' Like it's a Bad Thing

Though I do prefer Granola Child.

There is no doubt that I am NOT the same person I was say, oh, about 12 years ago. Fresh out of high school I was decked out in metal band shirts, fishnets, knee high shitkickers(awesome freakin' boots), hair recovering from being dyed purple, spiked collars, and so on. I had been one of those kids in high school. Hanging out with kids into punk, goths, and the occasional druggie. We were a tight knit group, which was something I wanted during that period of life. When I graduated that all disappeared. That group was gone and these people didn't exist in college(at least not the one I attended). Some of those in my group of friends ditched 'the look' and went on with what ever it was they did. I was one of those people that changed my appearance but I still love my metal bands and fishnets.

One of the big things was my outlook on things in general. About a year after high school my parents, my younger sister, a friend of hers, and I took a 3 week long vacation to Hawai'i to visit family. We were on the Big Island and went to the beaches and visited Mauna Loa. It was our journey to a swap meet that seemed to be the turning point. There is a small town, not too far from the area where my Auntie lives, where the majority of the hippies live. It was near that town where the swap meet was. I was ogling their crafts, their clothes, and everything in between. I went from being a metal fan to a hippie in the making. To this day my mother says that if I ever moved to the islands I would quickly find myself living amongst the hippies.

Fast forward to present day. I no longer look the part of a metal fan. I still own a pair of fishnets, a spiked collar, and some clothes that I could wear if I wanted to look like how I did in high school. Now my wardrobe consists mainly of long skirts, tank tops, some odd shirts, and worn jeans. I've gone the no poo route in hair care, making my own shampoo and conditioner once a week. I'm looking into homesteading, green options for everything, organic foods, making what I need at home, staying away from TV. It's like I went from one extreme to another. I no longer want to live in a city but have found myself looking at plots of land that are within a reasonable distance of a town so that goods can be bought.

Looking up recipes and how-to guides online for certain things, I find an odd trend in things. It appears that you have housewives (sorry if I offend) and women ranging from mid-twenties to early forties with all of this DIY stuff and Eco-friendly items. That isn't the problem. I am happy to see more people doing this and want to encourage more to do so. The problem is, is when they refer to it as 'hippie' stuff. One article, forget where this was found it but I'll keep it to myself, was going on about making an alternative to toothpaste. At the end the author said that you could keep it in a little Tupperware cup in the bathroom or, if you don't want your boyfriend to see your hippie toothpaste, you can try and get it into an old toothpaste tube.  Really?  What? I just scratched my head at this. I suppose I should've known something was off when the title had been Hippie Toothpaste. I mean, looking at the site it appears that anything homemade gets the hippie title slapped on.

I suppose I shouldn't be upset by all of that and it's more irksome than anything else. The word 'hippie' seems to be used in such a way that it's praised but it still isn't a pretty word. :\  I can't seem to explain it. Ah well.  This Granola Child is happy with life and that's all I need.