Saturday, December 1, 2012

I Thought it Was Supposed to Be Cold

I love the changing of the seasons, even the change to summer.....until it gets too hot and I feel like I'm going to melt. The autumn and winter seasons, though, are the times that I seem to thrive. I love to bundle up and the snow always lifts my moods. This autumn, though, has been a warm one. Seriously. It's 44f outside right now and I am walking around in slippers and a tanktop under a spring jacket. Not to mention that tomorrow is supposed to top out in the 50s and I believe Monday is going to be a warm 60 degrees.   :I  Suppose I shouldn't be too grumpy. It's not yet winter and the averages around here are only in their 20s for late December and January. This little miss, though, wants some good snow this year.

The tree is already up in the house, with presents for nieces and what not beneath it. Sadly there are only lights hanging up right now. Grendal will be petitioned to get the box of ornaments down so they can be hung up. I might try and snag some of my favorites from my parents' place to hang up, but who knows how that will go. Either way I think I'm going to break down and make my own ornaments this year. Salt dough or clay. I found some recipes for such and I know of places I can buy some inexpensive cookie cutters. I'll see if I can make some runes or possibly find something to represent the Norse deities. Have it up in a fashion so it's not totally in your face to those who might be uncomfortable with it. Grendal's immediate family shouldn't have a problem, but his older brother has a lady friend who is joining us this year for the holidays. I'm not sure of her religious affiliation and how she views others. Last thing I want is her to treat me like I have the plague and see that her young daughter stays away from me. :\

I finally managed to hang up my makeshift Odin figure over my altar. I had been meaning to do something in regards to the Allfather. I have two raven figures that I bought from work during Halloween last year and have them set up nicely. Once the Christmas decorations went up this year I started to snoop around their Santa figures for something that felt right. They didn't have any of the tall Santa type figures. You know what kind I'm talking about! More Father Christmas than jolly Santa. As odd as it sounds when I refer to this Santa as tall Santa I think of the difference between the 'chubby' Buddha and the 'thin' Buddha.  Bless my mother and the things she told me as a child.

Anywho, I found that the store had ornaments of Santa which were pretty much his head only with various colors to pick. Each color had different little bits on the hat Santa wore. I settled on one that wore a white hat with gold embroidery because it caught my eye and seemed just right. After getting it home I snagged some white paint and painted over one of the eyes and it was finished! He now hangs on the wall, situated between the ravens when you look at my altar head on. :)

Hopefully this coming Monday I will have those ornaments made and ready to go, possibly with pictures. :P  Who knows.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

That one time I felt like Worf

No, seriously, I felt like Worf. Not in the Klingon, warrior way but more on his quest for enlightenment. There is an episode in the second to last season of Star Trek: The Next Generation titled Rightful Heir. Now, Worf heavy episodes are always a winner with me but this one seemed to hit home. More importantly in one specific scene.

Worf is in Boreth, a place where devout Klingons wait for the deity Kahless to return. He is praying with others around a fire pit. Worf has been feeling empty and wants to reconnect with his spirituality which is why he is there, trying to force a vision of the deity. Another Klingon in the group has a vision and Worf has an obvious reaction while the priests congratulate the man. After being in Boreth for ten days, without a vision, Word decides to leave.

I won't go into any more detail about the episode but that is really the part where I felt for Worf. Wandering around certain areas of the internet I run into posts where the author goes on about their deity. To be more precise, their conversations. They have constant contact with their deity, through dreams, feelings, 'conversations', etc.  They talk about how the deities have approached them, showed them the way, or even offered suggestions.

Then I look at myself. I have been muddling through the pagan world/community for 16 years(wow, made myself feel old for a second). I've gone from pantheon to pantheon, pagan type to pagan type, trying to figure something out. I wasn't a Kitchen Witch(though I love what they do), I wasn't any form of Wiccan, and cherry picking didn't seem right. I thought I had found a path for me; it seemed to fit just right. Then I read up that these people were big on the whole 'sin' thing and that didn't sit well with me.

After years of searching and thinking, I believe that within this past year I have come to the end of this dizzying journey. Asatru has jumped up and seemed to claim me, with Odin taking lead. I brought two crow feathers into my house after finding them in the bike path(my route home from work). Soon after I noticed two crows constantly flying over, around, and hanging out on our property. Thinking back on crows I remembered something that happened a year or two after deciding paganism was for me. I was sitting on the back porch chatting with a friend over the phone. Looking back at one of the trees in the yard two LARGE black birds(guessing about 2ft TALL) settled onto the ground. I watched them and kept talking. The bird kept walking closer and closer, seeming to come towards me. They weren't pecking at the ground or anything. Just. Walking.  I freaked out, and ran inside while telling my friend what just happened.

Things have fallen into place with Asatru but I haven't seemed to have that sort of connection with any of the deities. I place offerings on the altar and outside, meditated, and even tried to 'converse' with Odin specifically. While I know He's there, through the presence of the crows, I am wondering if there is something I need to do to instigate things. Maybe I should just let things take their course. Honestly, I feel jealous of those people. Why isn't this happening to me?

I made Odin a promise. When Grendal and I get our own place, not an apartment but a home, I would make a proper altar in the house and in the backyard, and I will place offering there every day. While they won't be extravagant, my offering will be placed on one of the altars each day. I will learn how to use Runes in divination and magic.

I will be strong and live in a way that would make Odin proud.

Monday, November 19, 2012

And on a serious note....

I can't begin to explain why I do this. Create blogs and post things that are me but not the complete package. More like lite me with some additives to make Me more interesting and hide the weirdness. This time around I'm saying screw that. No more multiple blogs, no more posts that seem to be off, and no more prancing around being something that I am not.

This blog is my attempt to capture what is happening in my life: Hopes, dreams, joyous activities, failures, anger, and outbursts. Those who happen to follow along will get to see me go from 'single' to married within the next 7 months. They will follow me on my spiritual journey with the path that seems to be my 'coming home'(Asatru). Above all else they will see what it's like for me to find my place in this world.

I start things that never seem to come to end. I've had many blogs and never keep them up. I have two others on this account, split personalities in a sense. They will remain here but I highly doubt I'll ever touch them with this blog, hopefully, taking wing.

From this moment I plan on updating this blog at least once a week. I warn you that I just follow my train of thought as I type, so things may seem to go through some odd bits but it does make sense in the long run.

The cold months will be my active times. Not because I am unable to go out due to snow but for the fact that seems to invigorate me.

Please, stay awhile and watch as I finally find my place in life.