Wednesday, January 30, 2013

I Always Wanted to be a Teacher!

Though, not in this way. I always pictured myself in a nice classroom and rambling on about history.

A friend of mine approached me on Facebook this past week and wanted some information on Wicca and NeoPaganism in general. Turns out she's making the change from some form of Christian to the Pagan world. Looking back at my own adventures into the Pagan life I think I seriously needed a guiding hand from someone with some sort of experience, rather than the ragtag team of tweens that I was part of. So I had to pull out my old books and flip through 'em.  Man, have I grown.

I told my friend that I wasn't Wiccan anymore but a follower of Asatru. While she didn't fully understand what I was meaning, she went with it. She's eager to learn and floundering in a way. I'm trying my best to lay things out and point her in the right directions while not imposing my personal beliefs. I think the last thing she needs is for me to place her in a spot without going through any trial and error moments herself. Besides, what went 'wrong' for me might be what she is looking for.

I honestly don't remember getting into this religious/spiritual area being so difficult, then again that was well over 12 years ago. She has a lot of questions and wonders on what to do and when and how to do it. She's looking at sites and getting answers from me when I can provide them. My head is spinning and I'm running through my books like a mad woman. I think this would be easier if she was right next to me and I can be like "Here, read this bit. Lets talk about it."

Ye Gods, this will be interesting.

Monday, January 14, 2013

Pardon Me for Being Blue

NOTE: This post is a little more personal than the few others and covers depression. And it's a wee rant. If you don't want to read it, don't. Happier things are on the way, I promise! :)

So, I was diagnosed with depression years back. I'm thinking 12 some odd years. I was in high school, blah blah blah. I took medication that didn't seem to help but I kept trudging through life a little less then chipper. I was never one of the people who sunk into depression so far that I thought about taking my life. Part me believes that I would never let myself EVER think about it. Sure, I've thought about disappearing but I have a strong urge to be here.

Grendal helped me through my depression and did convince me that I didn't need the medication. I weaned myself off early in our relationship and haven't looked back. He's suggested it was more of a situational depression rather than the clinical depression that was diagnosed. In all honesty, it was being around a mother that idolized my older sister and had a strong relationship with my younger. I was the bookworm, gamer, writer....the one more artistically inclined and very much a person that keeps to myself. I wasn't happy at home but no one, not even myself, could see it. That is, until Grendal showed up and helped me out!

I've been fine for YEARS. My father has seasonal depression(winter blues) and my mother has fought depression as well, but I've been good. Until this winter. It's a little strange because winter always seems to breathe new life into me. Grendal has suggested that it's due to the lack of a good snow. I think I can agree. But having SAD for the first time, along with job issues, and our wedding creeping up on us, it's been taking it's toll.

I'm happy to be with Grendal and just be around him in a way to heal myself, but my online gaming friends don't seem to grasp it. We had tried to set up a weekly get together to play Halo 4 with each other. It worked for a while but then holidays hit, Grendal and I had our week off, and then I started getting depressed. Two of the group are seeming to get upset about not having gatherings anymore. I understand. For a few years Grendal and I would get together with two of our friends on a Friday afternoon and hang out for hours. It was great! Then again, I wasn't having these problems and if I had been those two friends would have understood and even try to lighten my spirits. Two of my current gaming friends seem more upset about things not going through. No regard for if I feel up to it or the fact that jobs/classes/life is first in line.

That and one of them suggested that if saving up for the wedding is so hard, then just push it back. Really? Just push it back? No thougths about the people that know the date, or that we've set things up for that date. Perhaps the fact that it has a personal and spiritual significance. Then again he's a person that believe things happen for a reason, and I'm not.

Honestly there isn't much I can do about it. They'll have their own opinions and all I can do is focus on myself and making myself better.  And I shall do that.

Screw 'em!

Thursday, January 3, 2013

That Didn't Take Long

It's been a bit since my last post. I suppose it was bound to happen with the holidays and what not. Grendal and I have had this week off as a mini vacation. Spending most of the time at home, going out to eat, and what not. I really needed this time to recoup and not feel like I wanted to run someone through at work. Harsh, I know, but after a year and half without any sort of time off except the two days a week they gave me, I think I deserved this. Getting short with co-workers and generally feeling unappreciated really wears a person down. While I should be feeling the itch to get back to work, I'm not. I gotta, though; I need money to put food on the table. :I

Holidays were nice. My younger sister was in Hawai'i with her boyfriend and my mother's side of the family, so it was a shame she wasn't here. Time with my family was actually really nice. Felt like I had some time to bond with parents, which doesn't seem to happen much. We spent the time with Grendal's family, which, in it's own way, was nice as well. We managed to stand being around the nieces for a while and it was nice to chat with his brother. All in all, Christmas was pretty nice this time around.

In another two weeks Grendal starts his last semester at a local college. He only has one class left and then he's done with just a basic degree. Once that's done, though, he plans to apply at Canadian Pacific, doing what my brother-in-law does. While it sucks that he'll be gone often, he says the pay will be worth it. Grendal, being the math whiz that he is, figures we should be able to save up for a house within a year's time. Well, at least the property. There is a house on the neighboring property that he wants to tear down and then have a house built to his design. Somewhat like a Tumbleweed Home but with alterations so someone his height can feel comfortable. While it's not in the county where we can have chickens and goats like we dream, it's better than nothing! I'll be able to have an altar outside, which is what I promised would happen once we got a house for ourselves.

That seems it for now. Hopefully I'll be able to get in another update before this week is out!